There is an expectation on mothers when it comes to parenthood. They are expected to take the time to do the house, manage the kids with their physical and emotional needs, attend their job and do well at it and be excellent partners, too. That’s a long list of things that mothers are required to do, and there’s nothing in that list that says to take a moment and look after themselves. This is because while there are so many expectations on mothers, they just don’t take the time to say no to anyone else. The stress that comes with the responsibilities of motherhood are not solved with a bubble bath, because bubble baths are not self-care – it’s basic hygiene.
It’s obvious to most mothers that the reason that they don’t take any time for themselves is because they really dont have the time to spare to think of themselves first. It’s why the last time a mother has had a dental appointment is when her child has theirs. It’s why they miss their eye exam despite the headaches that are plaguing their day to day lives. A mother does not stop, and we are raised to think that other people should come first – which just enforces the fact that self-care is on the back burner. So, Mama, when was the last time that you remembered to put you first? There are so many things that we are getting wrong as parents, and the first thing is that we tell ourselves things to feel better about the fact we don’t look after ourselves properly. Below, we’ve put together a list of common things that hold us back from putting ourselves first for a change.
“Time For You? That’s Selfish”
Oh, if you’re a mother, you’ve heard this one! Self-care such as spa days and time away from the family for personal enjoyment? That’s considered selfish. There’s this rotten notion that a mother is supposed to sacrifice everything to her bones for her children, and we do that every single day. Taking a moment to remember that you are a person and you were always a person first is important. The least selfish thing that you can do is take a moment to look after yourself. It’s the antidote you need to relieve stress and it enables you to be more resilient against the toughest days.
Hidden Superheroes
A mother is a superhero – and no one sees it until she stops being one. A mother will sacrifice her happiness for those around her because she’s so busy trying to save everyone else that she forgets herself in the process. We rescue others because we confuse it with being caring – and we forget to rescue ourselves. The moment we realize that we need help is the moment of no return: the burnout is so real and the physical and emotional toll is too much. That’s the minute we see that there is a problem and we need help. The kids need to learn their lessons and our partners need to take charge. It’s okay not to rescue everyone and do everything. Yes, you are a caring person, but caring is not always the right thing to do for you.
We Need to Be Needed
A mother needs to feel needed because it’s so ingrained in us that our worth is based on who needs us. We do what we can for those who need us and this leads to our own needs going by the wayside. Mothers are like jigsaw puzzles: they give a piece of themselves to everyone else whenever they do something for them, but no one is filling up that puzzle piece. It becomes a missing piece and too many missing pieces leads to emptiness and a yearning for something more. Instead of spending every hour looking after someone else, we need to look in the mirror and figure out what pieces we need. Time spent focused on ourselves is vital to our future health.
Mother’s Don’t Ask For Help
How long have you dealt with headaches and not asked anyone for help? Mother’s usually follow the “put up and shut up” route because someone else needs something, so they handle the toothache until it gets to the point of unbearable. They miss out on the eye exam that could be preventative. Mother’s don’t ask for help because they’re too busy helping elsewhere – and this is not okay, Mama! You need to ask for help and have the health appointments and hold the hand of someone else for a while. It’s okay to lean on others the way in which you are leaned on.
Mother’s Are Blind To Poor Treatment
The more a mother puts out signals that she will rescue a person, the more people will rely on her to rescue them. They will sacrifice themselves to help, and this can lead to others taking advantage of them. It’s not a balanced relationship for a mother, and it’s something that continues to be difficult. What mother will say no to helping someone else? And yet she will say no to helping herself – do you see the problem. You have to ask yourself whether others have taken it from you, or you have given yourself to others but forgot to give yourself to – well, you.
Mothers Don’t Realize Their Worth
We do. Mothers know exactly how much they are worth – but we think others are worth more, and this is often what stops a mother from putting herself first at least once a month! Self-love is lacking in a mother as she feels she owes everyone else time and energy. Sometimes, we’re so busy listening to the voices of others asking for things from us that we don’t listen to our own voices.
Mama, it’s about time you put your health, your sleep, your hunger and your happiness first. Take a moment to ask: what do I want? And take it from there.